Yearning for community: is loneliness an unavoidable part of urban life?
The other day I was at the London Fields Lido for a morning swim. I finished up and sat on the deck next to an older woman who leaned over to me and immediately started chatting. She was lonely – so lonely that she confided in me, a perfect stranger. I was really struck by this (and if you have ever witnessed the classic British reserve, you would be too).
Mary is in her sixties and is widowed. She moved down to London from the North ten or so years ago and doesn’t have much community here. She cares for a grandchild (he lives with her) and is on benefits. And she comes to the pool just to be around other people – sometimes to chat, other times to just be less alone.
I was struck by Mary’s situation. So many people live in London, but there is so little community to tie us together. I sometimes think of us as autumn leaves caught in a gust, all of us feeling the same pressures but none of us close enough to touch.
So how to address this?
Mary isn’t tech-savvy – were she, she might be able to find a group online and engage with them offline. The local council – Hackney – apparently doesn’t do much for the over-60s. I asked Mary about local classes and get-togethers and she said there weren’t any. I have yet to research this to verify this.
Ultimately, Mary was planning to do something about her situation: I suggested she set up a morning coffee hour at a local coffee shop, and advertise it with flyers on the local boards (Broadway Market has plenty of these). She was really excited about the idea of creating her own community network (ok, maybe a little intimidated, too) and she listed off a few places she knew would support the event and people she thought might come. Even more touching, she was keen for me to invite a neighbour of mine – an older gent I mentioned as an example of other over-60s living alone and lonely.
Still, it made me think – is it true that the only by-product of a city is loneliness? And thinking about digital and social initiatives, what do we do when the people who most need this support are the hardest to reach?

